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Ironic Times

 NO. 747 “Expect the Ironic” JAN 26 - FEB 1, 2015 

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  IOWA: GOP HOPEFULS MAKE EARLY APPEARANCE AT NO CHANCE SUMMIT
Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Rick Perry, Carly Fiorina, Chris Christie, Dr. Ben Carson, Newt Gingrich all speak at event held for candidates with no chance of being nominated.
 
WORLD NEWS
New Saudi King Promises Continuity
Harems, floggings, beheadings will continue.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS ...
Controversy at Miss Universe Pageant Over Miss Lebanon's Selfie With Miss Israel
Also causing concern, Miss ISIS's selfie with Miss Syria (not shown).
U. S. NEWS
Crucial Keystone Pipeline
Decision Looms

If rejected it could mean the loss of up to fifty permanent jobs, in Canada.
Wisconsin Gov. Walker:
Everyone Receiving Public
Benefits Should Be Drug-Tested

Strip-searched and waterboarded.
 
REMINDER
  Get a measles vaccination before going to Disneyland (and don't hug Goofy).
 
Air Force's Long-Secret Project
Blue Book UFO Files Put Online

Reveals that, out of thousands of outlandish, preposterous claims of alien sightings, contacts, abductions, etc., only a handful turned out to be true.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Feds Press Automakers to Add Automated Braking Systems
So drivers distracted by texting won't have to pay attention to driving.
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