Ironic Times

NO. 31 "Expect the Ironic" APRIL 16 - 22, 2001

Apr 9
Apr 23
CREW OF AMERICAN SPY PLANE IN GOOD HEALTH, SAY DOCTORS
However, all twenty-four display unusual response to the Queen of Hearts.
WORLD NEWS
U.S., Russia Plan July Summit as Relations Improve
Leaders will tell jokes about Chinese, agree on number of spies to allow in embassies.
Powell Lands in Macedonia after Lengthy Search for Country
Pilot locates Skopje, wins high-definition TV.
Israel Hits Targets in More
"Pre-Emptive" Strikes

Pre-empts the next fifty-three attacks by Palestinians.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
PRESIDENT ANNOUNCES READING PROGRAM
He promises to read a book this year.
U. S. NEWS
Cheney Reported Earnings of $36 Million Last Year
"It was tough, but we got through it," he tells reporters.
Ashcroft: Victims' Families Can
Watch McVeigh Execution
But will have to sit through three preliminary executions involving lesser-known mass murderers.
 
IT'S A SMALL WORLD !
A man who wakes up in Afghanistan can have lunch in Berlin, dinner in Belfast, plant a bomb in Peoria, and be back in Kabul by the time it goes off!
 
ENVIRONMENT
Bush Cuts $20 Million From Water Quality Monitoring Programs
Says it will lead to big reduction in reported problems.
New Regulation Would Prevent Lawsuits to Protect Endangered Species
Can't know if they're truly endangered until they're extinct, says Norton.
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 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times