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Ironic Times

 NO. 401 “Expect the Ironic” MAY 19 - 25, 2008 

May 12
May 26
BUSH MAKES ONE LAST VISIT TO MIDDLE EAST
Appreciates “warm welcome.”
 
WORLD NEWS
British Defense Ministry Releases
Secret UFO Files

They confirm rumor England was invaded, infiltrated and fully replicated by extraterrestrials in 1951.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Polar Bears Given Limited
Threatened Species Status

They'll be protected as long as they stay out of ANWAR and practice abstinence.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Brooklyn Bridge Celebrates 125th Anniversary This Week
With huge sale.
U. S. NEWS
McCain: Iraq War Can Be
Won by 2013

Iran War by 2027.
ACLU Membership Has Doubled
As has prison population.
 
REMINDER
  If they outlaw gay marriage, only gay outlaws will get married.
 
POLITICS
GOP Fears Losing Core Constituencies
Evangelical Christians, shady energy entrepreneurs, male escort service operators no longer a sure thing.
Campaign: Candidates Promoting “Clean Coal”
When perfected, it promises sanitary soot.
Bob Barr to Run as Libertarian
He'll eliminate taxes, decriminalize drugs, abolish government and let machine gun-toting millionaire meth addicts run things.
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