Ironic Times

 NO. 140 "Expect the Ironic" MAY 19 - 25, 2003 

May 12
May 26
 
  NEW $20 BILL INTRODUCED
Fed Chairman Greenspan says new design will “make things tougher for counterfeiters.”
 
WORLD NEWS
Saudis Offer Reward for
Capture of Terror Suspects

Royal family will pay $15 for information leading to their arrest.
Warlords, Gangsters Rule
Afghanistan, Steal All Foreign
Aid, Control Country

U.S. asks Taliban for help.
Bush Popularity Overseas Soars
International approval rating jumps to 3%.
Menem Quits Race in Argentina
Faces bleak future at home with former Miss Universe.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
90% of All Large Ocean Fish Gone
Charlie Tuna (right) among missing, says StarKist.
U. S. NEWS
Bush Files for 2004 Presidential Bid
This time, he hopes to win.
Pentagon Unveils Fall Lineup
Adds several new wars; no plans to drop Iraq occupation, despite waning popularity.
World Much Safer Today,
Says Cheney

Statement issued from undisclosed location.
 
REMINDER
   This isn't national anything week.
 
Bush, in “Gutsy Move,” Defies NRA
Backs extension of ban on private ownership of Tomahawk missiles.
FBI Paid Chinese Spy $1.7 Million
But Chinese paid her $1.8 million.
Lawrence Livermore Nuclear
Weapons Lab Loses Keys

Forced to use the one under the mat.
JFK Had Affair With
19-Year-Old Intern

She asked him what she could do for her country.
Bush Returns to Aircraft Carrier, Films Several More Landings
“Additional footage was needed,” says White House aide.
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