Ironic Times

 NO. 88 "Expect the Ironic" MAY 20 - 26, 2002 

May 13
May 27
 
EXISTENCE OF BERMUDA TRIANGLE CONFIRMED
$70 billion in U.S. corporate tax
revenues mysteriously disappear there every year.
 
WORLD NEWS
Putin Agrees to Cut Nuclear Warheads
Bush agrees to cut nucular warheads.
Arafat Promises Elections
Or at least a show of hands.
Queen Gets Tattoo for Jubilee
Since domineering mum's death, she's "come out of her shell," says friend.
 
BUSINESS
Carter Visit to Cuba a Boon to
Some U.S. Companies

Planters, Reese's, Skippy, Jif announce trade agreements.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
Republicans Criticized for Selling Bush Sept. 11 Photo
Shows President on phone with Vice President discussing how much to charge for picture.
U. S. NEWS
Bush Had Advance Warning of Attack
But he "did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky," says Ari Fleischer.
3 Million Truckers Recruited to Help Spot Threats to Homeland Security
Like huge, diesel-spewing semis driven by sleep-deprived lunatics on speed.
 
REMINDER
Now would be a good time to restate your company's earnings.
 
Average Farmer's Subsidy Twice
That of Welfare Recipient

But "we eat twice as much," says one farmer.
Eleven Priests in Midwest Did Not Abuse Children, Church Claims
No one has come forward to accuse any of them of past or present sex crimes.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Thousands of Climbers Scale Mt. Everest
Long lines, fighting at summit.
 
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S PUZZLER
 
10,000 is the correct number of years before it will be safe to visit Las Vegas.
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