| WORLD NEWS |
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Buckingham Palace Considers
Hiring “Diversity Chief”
To make sure nothing like Meghan
Markle ever happens again. |
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Turkey Withdraws From
International Treaty on
Domestic Violence
After realizing it had been convened
to oppose domestic violence. |
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Olympics Will Not Admit
Fans From Outside Japan
Those attending will be assigned
different countries to cheer for. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Massive Tanker
Still Stuck in Suez Canal
Traffic diverted to Panama Canal. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Trump: Capitol Rioters
Posed “Zero Threat”
“And you didn't lose your stupid
democracy,” he adds. |
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Georgia GOP Passes New
Laws to Limit Voting
It's now “by appointment only.” |
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| REMINDER |
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Build a better mousetrap and the
world will charge you with animal
cruelty. |
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Fox News Threatened With
$1.6 Billion Lawsuit for
Libelous Election Claims
Network says nobody should take
its news reports seriously, promises
to add laugh track. |
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| POLITICS |
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Trump to Pit Four Senate
Candidates Against Each
Other “Apprentice” Style
to Win His Endorsement
Looking for sponsors before shopping
it to networks. |
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