 NEW YORK CITY UNVEILS
PLANS FOR MODERN, SLEEK JAILS
In preparation for numerous Trump campaign officials. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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U.S. Has Lost Track of Tens
of Thousands of Migrant Children
Released from Federal Custody
“Kids!” sighs exasperated DHS spokesperson. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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Traces of Dangerous Weed
Killer Detected in Some
Popular Breakfast Cereals
Honey Nut Roundup, Captain Poisonberry, and
Cancerous Crunch removed from shelves. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Parisians Angered
by Public Urinals
Equally furious about public bidets (not shown). |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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 Sessions: Makers
of Undetectable Plastic Guns Will Be Prosecuted
When and if they turn themselves in. |
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Kellyanne Conway Reveals:
Everyone in White House Signed
Non-Disclosure Agreement
Except her. |
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| REMINDER |
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If you see something on
“Fox & Friends,” say something. |
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Trump Speechwriter With White
Nationalist Ties Ousted From
White House
Then offered $180,000 a year to work
on reelection campaign. |
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70 Overdose on Marijuana
Possibly Laced With Opioid at Yale
Including 15 future members of the Supreme Court. |
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 Giuliani:
“Truth Isn't Truth”
And “isn't isn't isn't.” |
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