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Ironic Times

 NO. 723 “Expect the Ironic” JUL 21 - AUG 17, 2014 

Jul 14
Aug 18
DEAR READER: Ironic Times is on hiatus. We will return on August 18th. Please enjoy this Special Edition featuring material from the first six months of the year. — The Editors
HIGHLIGHTS OF 2014 (January - June)
Colorado Marijuana Stores Open
Lines extend to Nebraska.
UN Panel: 15 More Years
Without Action on Climate
Change Could Be Catastrophic

Doubters: let's wait fifteen years and see.
113th Congress Least
Productive Ever

Signature achievement: repealed Affordable Care Act 40 times.
Federal Court Overturns Net Neutrality
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In Book, Former Secretary of
Defense Gates Calls Vice
President Biden “Clueless”

Biden: “What's that supposed to mean?”
Walmart Recalls Donkey Meat From Stores in China After Product Found to Contain Fox Meat
Also recalls fox meat found to contain donkey meat.
List Whittled Down to 1000 Eligible Applicants for One-Way Trip to Mars
Eliminated: old, infirm, anyone who plays the banjo, harmonica or accordion.
300 Wealthiest Individuals on Earth Have $3.7 Trillion
They meet once a year in a strip mall in the Cayman Islands, where they all have post office boxes.
Insane Clown Posse Sues Justice Dept. Over Gang Designation
Claim it's deprived them of their livelihood, entertaining at children's birthday parties.
UN Report Accuses Kim Jong Un of Crimes Against Humanity
List includes executions, purges, torture, rape, and putting Dennis Rodman back in the news.
Markets Plummet Across Globe
Investors panic on rumor capitalism nothing more than a pyramid scheme.
Report: Human Body Not
Prepared for Life in Outer Space

Prepared for life on comfy couch watching movies about outer space.
Hundreds Sickened on Cruise Ship
CDC still trying to identify source of illness on Royal Caribbean's Salmonella Islands Tour.
GOP Unveils Its “Blueprint” on Immigration
Offers those here illegally, after satisfying certain benchmarks, a clear path to deportation.
Kraft Recalls 2 Million Kraft
Velveeta Cheesy Skillet Dinners
Over Labeling Error

Product fails to state clearly that eating Kraft Velveeta Cheesy Skillet dinner regularly will kill you.
Olympics: Visitors to Sochi Complain About Facilities
For security reasons, no one allowed in restrooms alone.

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