| PRESIDENT MAKES SURPRISE |
 VISIT TO AFGHANISTAN
Delivers Purple Hearts to U.S.
servicemen, bags of cash to
Afghani officials. |
|
| |
| WORLD NEWS |
 |
Iraqi Government Emerges After
Seven Months of Animosity, Gridlock
Cabinet composed of warring rival
factions pledges to work together to
ensure continued animosity, gridlock. |
|
Google Targeted in EU Probe
After “no matches found” for
France, Germany, Belgium, Netherlands,
Italy. |
| |
| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
 Chinese
Commuter Train Breaks Speed
Record
Takes passengers from 19th to
21st Century in under an hour. |
|
|
| U. S. NEWS |
|
Deficit Panel Prescribes Pain
for Everyone
For example: someone earning over a
million dollars annually will be forced
to move their holdings into an offshore
account, while someone earning under
$20,000 will be forced to move their
holdings into storage and move in with
their mother. |
| |
| REMINDER |
| |
Living
above the poverty line is
the best revenge. |
|
|
|
| |
|
Senate Passes Food Safety
Bill
After 51 senators get diarrhea from
eating at Senate cafeteria. |
|
Conservatives: Death Sentence
For Those Who Leaked Classified
Material
Except Scooter Libby. |
|
Congressional Republicans Oppose
Funds to Feed Hungry Children
Insist it takes away children's incentive to look
for food themselves. |
|
