 TRUMP OUTLINES HIS POSITIVE VISION
FOR FIRST 100 DAYS IN OFFICE
Lawsuits, jailings, deportations top list. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Iran's President Rouhani: U.S.
Election a Choice Between
“Bad and Worse”
Later clarifies, says he meant a choice
between “Big Satan and Bigger
Satan.” |
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U.S. Embargo on Cuban Rum, Cigars Lifted
You no longer have to be a hijacker or know Arnold Schwarzenegger. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 No Longer Relevant,
MetLife Drops Snoopy After 31 Years
His replacement: Snoop Dogg. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Poll: 45% of Republicans Might
Not Accept Election Results
Canada announces it's building a wall. |
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Hacked Email: Tim Cook, Bill
Gates Among 39 Names
Suggested as Clinton VP Choices
Also: Billy Bush. |
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| REMINDER |
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Always be gracious in victory,
and question the results if you lose. |
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Social Security Recipients to
Get .3% Cost of Living Raise
Enough to afford Deluxe Fancy Feast. |
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Flat Earth Society Endorses Trump
After Clinton reveals she owned a globe. |
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| POLITICS |
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Accurate Since 1964, Mock
Election by Kids Has Clinton
Beating Trump, 52-35
But he wins among white boys who never
graduated kindergarten. |
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