 BUSH APPROVAL
RATING AFTER BOMBING PASSES
GOD'S
God: 77%
Bush: 94% |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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National Period of Thoughtful
Introspection Ends
Less important things, put into
perspective by crisis, regain former
prominence. |
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Republicans, Airlines Balk at
Placing Federal Agents in Airports
Prefer hiring uneducated, entry-level
slackers as country's first line of defense
against terrorism. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Saudis Assure U.S. They're
Our “Best Friends”
Official proclamation being examined for
a coded message to terrorists. |
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Post-Taliban Afghanistan Will
be Ruled By Florida Elections Board
Seen as transitional step to democracy. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 Iowa
Man Named
Nation's Designated Protester
All others
rounded up, sent to camps. |
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| THE WAR |
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U.S. Weighs Commercial Tie-Ins
Already in the works: “GE Presents
Operation Enduring Freedom.” |
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Navy Apologizes for Gay
Slur Written on Bomb
Bombs must now respect the rights of all
individuals and groups. |
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IRONIC
TIMES EXCLUSIVE
CROSS-SECTION OF SECRET
TALIBAN TUNNELS
1. Main Entry Point
2. Munitions Storage
3. Food Storage
4. Meeting Room
5. Soldiers' Quarters
6. Laundry Room
7. Coffee Shop
8. Bowling Alley
9. 24-Hour Convenience
Store
10. Spa
11. Night Club
12. Private Parties
13. Wives' Room (A List)
14. Wives' Room (B List)
15. Prayer Room. |
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