Ironic Times

NO. 51 "Expect the Ironic" SEPTEMBER 3 - 9, 2001

Aug 27
Sept 10
 
SPOT RETURNS FROM FACT- FINDING TRIP TO MIDEAST
Will meet with the President and make his recommendations.
 
WORLD NEWS
Bush Asks Mexico for Aid
President Fox says he will consider helping “an old friend.”
Indian Gov't Makes TVs Cheaper to Discourage Sex, Lower Population
“Worked in America,” says official.
Microsoft Forms Own Army
Only for “defensive purposes,” says Bill Gates.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
White House Releases Official “Concerned” Bush Photo
To be used by print media for all stories relating to sensitive issues on which there is no consensus.
U. S. NEWS
Surplus, Social Security Gone
“Easy come, easy go,” says White House.
Ex-Felon Wins $41.4 Million in Powerball Lottery
But Kentuckian plans to continue working part-time as armed robber.
Condit's Publicity Chief Resigns
Leaving to work for Slobodan Milosevic.
 
REMINDER
  School is open, so be on the lookout
  for heavily-armed students bearing
  a grudge.
 
TRENDS
U.S. Attention Span Has Shortened Considerably in Last 30 Years
Many factors to blame, according to unfinished survey.
Man Arrested for Road Rage,
Ground Rage, Air Rage

Says he was “running late” for an anger-management class.
Study: Bullies Healthier
Than Their Peers

Reason: bullies beat up their peers and steal their lunches.
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