Ironic Times

NO. 52 "Expect the Ironic" SEPTEMBER 10 - 16, 2001

Sept 3
Best of
RICH NOT SPENDING
THEIR TAX REBATES
What they're doing with windfall still a mystery.
U. S. NEWS
Microsoft Buys U.S. Government
Bush remains in post, but will report to Steve Ballmer.
U.S. Offers Reparations for Slavery
African Americans to get "40 Acres and a Mule" charm bracelets from Denny's.
 
WORLD NEWS
Taliban Office of Faith-Based Charities Puts U.S. Missionaries on Trial
Example of how church and state can work together.
Revealed: Mother Teresa Had Exorcism Performed on Her
Also had body waxing and foot massage.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . 

Pentagon Makes Case for Increased Funding
Shortage of military vehicles cited.
GUEST COLUMNIST
MY TURN
by Dick Cheney

Rather than release transcripts of sensitive meetings that were held in private with my energy task force, I've decided to summarize, in general terms and without naming anyone, what went on at those meetings.
First of all, I would invite about four or five of this country's top authorities on energy production into my office and ask them to strip down to their boxer shorts (or, in the case of one gentleman, briefs). This way we could relax and speak frankly to each other. Once everyone was comfortable, I would dim the lights and we'd watch some X-rated movies.
Later, we'd light up cigars (I'm not permitted to say where they came from) and drink some of that fine Jefferson brandy (I know where it's kept) and fall asleep.
Just thought you'd like to know.
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