Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - SEPTEMBER 3 - 9, 2001
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IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN
Scholars return to college.
BUSINESS
Disney Rumored to Be Opening
Theme Park in Beijing

Goofy holds press conference, declares that he is “most definitely not a dog.”
Greenspan Confident About Future
Makes statement before boarding flight for Brazil, where he will live.
Flooz.com Purchased by Floozies.com
Hussies, sluts, wenches, strumpets now available with gift certificates.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Ping-Pong Channel Calls It Quits
Failure blamed on sluggish sales of wide-screen TV's.
Las Vegas Luring Overweight to Gambling Mecca
Casinos tailoring shows to “wide ride” crowd, fastest-growing population segment.
HIGH TECH
New Pentium 4 Chip Fastest Ever
Can process 10 dot-com bankruptcies in a nanosecond.
 
SUMMER READING QUIZ
 
George W. Bush was just one of thousands of Americans who took Pulitzer Prize- winning historian David McCullough's biography of John Adams with them on vacation. For those who read it, here's a short quiz:
 
Adams's most influential writing was:
A) “Thoughts on Government”
B) “Dissertation on the Canon and Feudal Law”
C) “A Defense of the Constitutions of the Government of the United States of America”
 
Special question for the President only:
John Adams was:
A) A smart guy who lived a long time ago
B) Some kind of apple
C) This froufrou Yankee beer
 
hint: answer is not B) or C)
 

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