WELCOMES IN 2024
With fear and loathing.
|Russia: Almost Naked
Celebrity-Filled Party During
Wartime Sparks Outrage
A furious Putin demands to know who's
responsible and why he wasn't invited.
|Paris: Krispy Kreme
Opens to Long Lines
Michelin Guide, Le Cordon Bleu say
they're getting out of the business.
|U. S. NEWS
|New Laws Take Effect
in Many States
But they won't apply to you unless
you're pregnant, poor, or wish to vote.
|ALSO IN THE NEWS ...
|Maine Drops Trump
Trump voters urged to move to Michigan.
|(Once again we turn to our panel
of psychics, seers and soothsayers
for a look ahead at the new year.)
will be no big surprises, and that will result
in worldwide panic.
Earth will be visited by
extraterrestrials, who will hit all
the trendy spots and leave.
It will be the hottest
year in recorded history. Lather,
The Russian bear and
the Asian elephant will form an
alliance with the Egyptian camel
and the Australian platypus, and
the zoo will be closed for two weeks.
Trump will defeat Biden,
who will hire Trump's old fake
electors to act as his fake electors,
and Biden will be sworn in as president.