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TRUMP'S RETURN, VIOLENT TAKEOVER
ON MARCH 4TH FAILS TO MATERIALIZE
Just a guy in a MAGA hat selling
“STOP THE STEAL” balloons,
and these two. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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China: Covid-19 Anal Swabs
Mandatory for Foreigners
Tourism brochure doesn't mention it. |
|
Japan Appoints Its First
Minister of Loneliness
He'll report directly to Minister
of Melancholy. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
|
 States Relax
Covid Restrictions
Just in time for Spring Break. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
|
FBI Chief: No Fake Trump
Supporters in Mob That
Stormed Capitol
Just authentic good old red-blooded
All-American patriotic Trump supporters. |
|
Texas, Mississippi Drop
Mask Mandate
But: no shirt, no shoes, no service. |
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| REMINDER |
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Don't spend all your stimulus
check in one marijuana dispensary. |
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Great Apes at San Diego Zoo
Become First Non-Humans
To Get Vaccine
After they jump in line at a local CVS. |
|
Americans Bitterly Split
On Everything Except
Stimulus Checks
And free tacos when your team holds
the opponent under 100. |
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| POLITICS |
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Democrats Hold Issues Retreat
They discuss retreating from their
position on various issues. |
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