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IOWA: GOP HOPEFULS MAKE EARLY
APPEARANCE AT NO CHANCE SUMMIT
Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee,
Rick Perry, Carly Fiorina, Chris Christie, Dr.
Ben Carson, Newt Gingrich all speak at event held for
candidates with no chance of being nominated. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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New Saudi King Promises Continuity
Harems, floggings, beheadings will continue. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Controversy
at Miss Universe Pageant Over Miss Lebanon's
Selfie With Miss Israel
Also causing concern, Miss ISIS's
selfie with Miss Syria (not shown). |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Crucial Keystone Pipeline
Decision Looms
If rejected it could mean the loss of up to
fifty permanent jobs, in Canada. |
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Wisconsin Gov. Walker:
Everyone Receiving Public
Benefits Should Be Drug-Tested
Strip-searched and waterboarded. |
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| REMINDER |
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Get a measles vaccination before going
to Disneyland (and don't hug Goofy). |
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Air Force's Long-Secret Project
Blue Book UFO Files Put Online
Reveals that, out of thousands of
outlandish, preposterous claims of
alien sightings, contacts, abductions,
etc., only a handful turned out to be true. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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Feds Press Automakers to Add
Automated Braking Systems
So drivers distracted by texting won't
have to pay attention to driving. |
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