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OBAMA REPLACES McCHRYSTAL
WITH PETRAEUS |
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Above: Petraeus receives word. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Whaling Meeting Delays Decision on
Hunting for One Year
To see if there are any whales left. |
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Xe Services (formerly Blackwater)
Wins $120 Million Contract to Protect
U.S. Consulates in Afghanistan
Guards will be redeployed from Pandora. |
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Saudis Reportedly Clear
Israel to Bomb Iran
Described as “act of good
will.” |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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 Bad
News: Oil Gushing Worse Than Ever
After Robot Crashes Into It
Good news: another robot's on the
way. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Report: Despite Recession,
Rich Got Richer
Actually, because of it. |
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Only U.S. Facility Where
Response to Spills Can be
Tested Closed Due to Leak
Only facility where response to leaks can be
tested closed due to spill. |
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| REMINDER |
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Ask
your witch doctor if
voodoo is right for you. |
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Arizona Governor: Most
Illegal Immigrants Smuggling Drugs
Taking jobs from American drug smugglers. |
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Health Insurers Raise Rates
Even after President Obama implored them
not to be too greedy. |
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Minerals Management Service
Renamed Bureau of Ocean Energy
Management, Regulation and Enforcement
Longer name should rid corrupt agency of
graft, sexual favors and drug-infused
orgies at taxpayers' expense, says
spokesman. |
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