| |
 ANTI-BALLISTIC
MISSILE DEFENSE SYSTEM
GOES OPERATIONAL
Should an enemy launch a
dummy warhead whose
tracking data has already
been programmed into our
computers, we might be
able to shoot it down,
depending on the weather. |
|
| |
| WORLD NEWS |
 |
Bush Escapes Rising Tide of
Angry Americans By Visiting Europe
Escapes rising tide of angry Europeans by
returning to America. |
|
Bush Compares Iraq War to
Hungary Uprising in 1956
Compares coalition forces to, er, Soviet
troops. |
| |
| SURVEYS |
|
Reader's Digest
Reports New York Most Polite, Courteous
City in World
New Yorkers add if you don't agree with
report, you know where you can stick it. |
| |
| SPORTS |
 |
|
Brazil Comes Out
On Top at World Cup
Soccer team also doing well |
|
|
| U. S. NEWS |
| |
Report: Country Unprepared
For Next Catastrophe
But we're ready for one after that. |
|
Republicans Can't Agree on
Immigration Bill
Some want to shoot themselves in foot,
others favor cutting off nose to spite
face. |
|
Gonzales: Terror Plot Foiled
in “Earliest Stages”
Just before conception. |
| |
| REMINDER |
| |
Sifting through your
personal financial data is government at its
best. |
|
|
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| |
|
Pentagon Document Classifies
Homosexuality as “Mental
Disorder”
Mary Cheney, Vice President's crazy-as-a-loon
daughter, was unavailable for comment. |
|
Senate Rejects Investigating
Billions in Waste, Fraud in
Iraq War Contracting
Time needed to draft anti-flag-burning
Amendment to Constitution. |
|
Census: Population Will Hit
300 Million By Election Day
After Election Day it will drop back to about 295,000,000. |
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