BUSH MAKES ONE LAST
VISIT TO MIDDLE EAST
Appreciates “warm
welcome.” |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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British Defense Ministry
Releases
Secret UFO Files
They confirm rumor England was invaded,
infiltrated and fully replicated by
extraterrestrials in 1951. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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Polar Bears Given Limited
Threatened Species Status
They'll be protected as long as they stay
out of ANWAR and practice abstinence. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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Brooklyn
Bridge Celebrates 125th
Anniversary This Week
With huge sale. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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McCain: Iraq War Can Be
Won by 2013
Iran War by 2027. |
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ACLU Membership Has Doubled
As has prison population. |
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| REMINDER |
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If
they outlaw gay marriage,
only gay outlaws will get
married. |
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| POLITICS |
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GOP Fears Losing Core
Constituencies
Evangelical Christians, shady energy
entrepreneurs, male escort service
operators no longer a sure thing. |
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Campaign: Candidates Promoting
“Clean Coal”
When perfected, it promises sanitary soot. |
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Bob Barr to Run as
Libertarian
He'll eliminate taxes, decriminalize
drugs, abolish government and let machine
gun-toting millionaire meth addicts run
things. |
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