BUSH MAKES ONE LAST
VISIT TO MIDDLE EAST
Appreciates “warm
welcome.” |
|
 |
|
|
WORLD NEWS |
 |
British Defense Ministry
Releases
Secret UFO Files
They confirm rumor England was invaded,
infiltrated and fully replicated by
extraterrestrials in 1951. |
|
ENVIRONMENT |
 |
Polar Bears Given Limited
Threatened Species Status
They'll be protected as long as they stay
out of ANWAR and practice abstinence. |
|
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
 |
Brooklyn
Bridge Celebrates 125th
Anniversary This Week
With huge sale. |
|
 |
|
|
U. S. NEWS |
 |
McCain: Iraq War Can Be
Won by 2013
Iran War by 2027. |
 |
ACLU Membership Has Doubled
As has prison population. |
|
REMINDER |
|
If
they outlaw gay marriage,
only gay outlaws will get
married. |
|
|
|
|
POLITICS |
 |
GOP Fears Losing Core
Constituencies
Evangelical Christians, shady energy
entrepreneurs, male escort service
operators no longer a sure thing. |
 |
Campaign: Candidates Promoting
“Clean Coal”
When perfected, it promises sanitary soot. |
 |
Bob Barr to Run as
Libertarian
He'll eliminate taxes, decriminalize
drugs, abolish government and let machine
gun-toting millionaire meth addicts run
things. |
|