| SPORTS |
 |
 |
Shadow
Olympics Off to Good
Start
100-meter dash winner breaks
world and Shadow Olympic
record. |
|
|
Baseball: All-Star Game
Winner to Determine Home-Field Advantage
in World Series
World Series winner to determine who pays
for drinks at All-Star game. |
|
 Tour de
France Will Be Clothing
Optional This Year
World's leading nude
cyclist, Roland Gaspar,
could challenge Lance
Armstrong. |
|
| |
| ADVERTISING |
 |
|
AFLAC
Commercials Will Be
Re-Shot for Chinese TV
Audience
Duck will have new voice,
side dish. |
|
LATEST
INSTA-POLL:
Most Americans Don't Respond |
| I never
respond to insta-polls |
73% |
|
|
| I
always
respond |
|
21% |
|
|
I sometimes
respond |
|
|
6% |
|
|
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| By
repealing the double
taxation of dividend
income, Republicans have
succeeded in putting more
money in the hands of: |
| A) | a majority of ordinary
Americans most likely to
jump-start the economy. |
| B) | a plurality of small
business owners most
likely to reinvest the
tax savings in growing
their businesses. |
| C) | a plurality of family
farmers most likely to
forge lasting trade
relationships with
visitors from other
galaxies. |
| D) | a plutocracy of the
richest Americans most
likely to contribute to
the Republican Party. |
|
|
|
| |
| TRAVEL |
|
U.S. Warns on Travel to Saudi
Arabia
And all other "friendly"
countries. |
| |
| EDITOR'S NOTE |
| |
It has recently come to our attention
that some, if not all, of the articles
written for this publication have been
partially, or wholly, fabricated. We have
taken the necessary steps to remedy the
situation, and apologize for any
confusion this may have caused. |
|
