Ironic Times

 NO. 81 "Expect the Ironic" APRIL 1 - 7, 2002 

Mar 25
Apr 8
 
BUSH, SHADOW PRESIDENT MEET
Agree to work together.
WORLD NEWS
Middle East Situation Described as "Desperate"
Considered a slight improvement over "hopeless."
Arafat Confined to Phone Booth
Must pay for all calls over three minutes.
Oprah Winfrey Declines Bush
Invite to Tour Afghanistan

Second choice, Jerry Springer, accepts.
Alleviating Worldwide Poverty Rises on Bush Agenda Into 73rd Place
Just behind interstate highway litter removal and military band instrument procurement.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
 
CHRIST RETURNS
But, once again,
is crucified.
U. S. NEWS
Military Reports No Enlistment
Gains Since September Despite
Patriotic Fervor

However, fewer Americans are joining the Taliban.
Consumer Confidence
Surges in March

Buoyed by robust job growth in arms manufacturing, pornography.
 
REMINDER
Violence begets violence, but gets good ratings.
 
Bush Uses Solar Energy Funds
To Print Proposal to Slash
Solar Energy Budget
Cites past misappropriations of Solar Energy funds.
Playboy's Planned "Women
of Enron" Spread Offers Hope
To Laid Off Workers

"Is this a great country, or what?" says one.
 
BUSINESS
Andersen Agrees to Volcker Plan
Will give up consulting to concentrate on shredding.
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