| PEOPLE |
 |
 Bannon
Dismisses Fascist Salute as "Wave"
He was waving to old friend Benito
Mussolini. |
|
|
Trump Plans to Pave Over
Rose Garden Lawn
Among other upgrades. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
 White House: Musk Not a
Government Employee
“We're working for him,” they clarify. |
|
|
Rising Egg Prices Prompts Some
Americans to Raise Chickens
Until they see the price of
chickens. |
|
 Trump Orders Treasury to
Stop Minting Pennies
Start minting billion dollar platinum coins. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Study: TSA Facial Recognition
99% Accurate
Libertarians, privacy advocates
worry about the free app. |
|
 NASA Increases Odds of
Asteroid Colliding With Earth in 2032
After unusually heavy betting on a direct hit. |
|
| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Temperature at North
Pole 68 Degrees Above
Average
"I packed all the wrong clothes!"
bemoans icebreaker captain. |
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Cost of Life-Saving
Medications Soared $7.3
Billion From 2017 to 2022
"Great TV ads don't grow on trees,"
explains industry spokesperson. |
|
