Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 23 - 29, 2024
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PEOPLE
Walmart Heiress Alice Walton Regains Title of World's Wealthiest Woman
With $89.1 billion, she edges out L'Oreal heiress Francoise Bettencourt Meyers, who warns, “I'll be back.”
 
POLITICS
Report: Jimmy Carter Hopes
to Live Long Enough to Vote
for Harris

He's voting by mail.
Georgia Election Board Votes
to Handcount All Ballots

“For a more tactile, personal touch,” explains one member.
 
BUSINESS
Trump Selling Commemorative
Coin for $100
“It's heads I win, tails you lose,” he says in a promotion video.
SCIENCE
Report: Elon Musk's Starlink
Satellites Interfering With
Astronomy

“Stargazing's for suckers,” says Musk.
Report: Earth Shook for 9 Days
After Melting Glacier Triggered
Huge Landslide in Greenland

So it wasn't your upstairs neighbor.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: 41% of Americans Say They're at “Peak Stress”
32% at “wit's end,” 22% “ready to plotz.”
Study: Europeans Used
Cocaine Much Earlier
Than Previously Thought

It was about twenty minutes after they first arrived in Colombia.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week, in a story about Mark Robinson, the Republican candidate for Governor of North Carolina, we wrote that former President Trump described him as “Martin Luther King on steroids.” In fact, he turned out to be “Herschel Walker on steroids.” We regret not pointing that out.

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