 TRUMP ORDERS
WITHDRAWAL OF ALL TROOPS FROM SYRIA,
SUPRISING EVERYONE
Well, everyone except Putin. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Russian TV Commentator:
“Trump is Ours Again”
“After loaning him to Saudi Arabia.” |
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Mexico to Pay for Wall After All
As chaos increases in U.S., Mexicans fear
being overrun by Americans fleeing collapse
of government, rule of law. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Trump Foundation
Dissolves After Family Treated it Like Their
“Personal Piggy Bank”
Will give Trump portraits purchased with
money meant for wounded veterans to
wounded veterans. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Washington Post: Russia's Influence
Far Greater Than First Reported
Turns out we're all useful idiots. |
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Jared Kushner Receives Bipartisan
Praise for Pushing Through Criminal
Justice Reform
Democrats, Republicans alike promise to
visit him in prison. |
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| REMINDER |
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Speak irrationally and carry a golf stick. |
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U.S. Population Grows at Slowest
Pace in More Than 80 Years
Experts blame ban on “Baby, It's Cold
Outside.” |
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 Trump Reveals
“Beautiful” Border Wall
Comprised of Spiked Steel Slats
Guaranteed to repel Visigoths, Ostrogoths, and
the occasional Hun. |
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