| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 Amazon Introduces
Own Smartphone
New “Fire” gives users the convenience
of allowing Jeff Bezos to make all the
critical decisions in their lives. |
|
|
Prediction: Computers Will
Be Like Humans by 2029
Will most likely kill us all, then fight among themselves. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Patent Office Cancels “Redskins”
Trademark
Now, anyone can use “Redskins” to name
their tanning salon, restaurant, toupee shop or casino. |
|
 College Football: Bitcoin
Bowl Joins Crowded Field of Bowl Games
Each participating school will receive
$850,000 in laundered drug money. |
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|
 |
| New Jersey hired the same
contractors to rebuild after Superstorm Sandy who had botched
the rebuilding of New Orleans after Katrina. The results have
been: |
| |
A ) |
Better than Louisiana |
| |
B ) |
Worse than Louisiana |
| |
C ) |
About the same |
| Hint: you get what you deserve. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
GM Adds 3.16 Million Vehicles
To Recall List
Look, if you drive something they made, any
model, any year, just bring the damn thing
down to the dealership. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Revealed: CIA Considered Giving
Kids Demon Dolls of Bin Laden
Dropped plan when test children
fell in love with “Bin Laden Barbie.” |
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