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MILLIONS SEEK RELIEF AS HEAT WAVE BAKES CHINA
Shown: millions seek relief in public swimming pool. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Global Terror Alert Issued
Everyone on Earth asked to report anyone looking suspicious. |
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Revealed: Speech to Be
Delivered by Queen Elizabeth
In Case of All-Out Nuclear War
In it, she explains to her subjects,
“We'll all be cooked.” |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Pope
on Gays: “Who Am I
to Judge?”
“I'm just a Pope.” |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Residents in Washington, D.C.
Looking Forward to Significant
Crime Reduction in August
When Congress leaves town. |
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Revealed: NSA Tool Collects
“Nearly Everything a User
Does on the Internet”
That's the sound of 300 million people blushing. |
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| REMINDER |
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You're just one “reply all”
away from total humiliation. |
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Report: CIA Talent Gap Due
To Bad Management
According to classified KGB report. |
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GAO: USDA Has Paid Out
Millions to Dead Farmers
To stay competitive with foreign dead farmers. |
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Postal Service Confirms
Photographing Every Letter and
Package Mailed in This Country
Doesn't know how they all ended up on
Facebook. |
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