PEOPLE |
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Henry Kissinger
Given Pat-Down Search at LaGuardia
All they find is some Viagra. |
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Poll: George W. Bush Judged Most
Unpopular Living President
After respondents informed Herbert Hoover dead. |
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MEDIA |
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Study: 70% of All Political
Ads Negative
Other 30% backed losing candidates. |
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BUSINESS |
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Europe Rescues Spain's Banks
With American-Style $125
Billion Bailout Deal
Banks' top executives expected to give
themselves huge bonuses, gamble away
what's left on risky derivatives. |
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Wall Street Traders Switching
From Fiber-Optic Cables to
Slightly Faster Microwaves
Could shave milliseconds off time
before next financial meltdown. |
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Meg Whitman
to Cut 27,000 Jobs at HP
Leaving just her. |
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SCIENCE |
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CDC Issues Statement That
Zombies Do Not Exist
Despite numerous sightings in halls of Congress. |
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Archeologists Discover
Shakespeare's Pre-Globe
Theater Beneath Trendy Pub
Pub owners plan to rip it out, put in something trendy. |
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Bones
of Prehistoric Mammoth Found in
Iowa Family's Backyard
Family denies any knowledge of how bones
got there. |
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HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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CDC: More Teens Smoke
Pot Than Cigarettes
“We must do more,” says
spokesman for Philip Morris. |
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FDA: High Fructose Corn
Syrup Cannot Be Renamed
“Corn Sugar”
Instead it will be marketed as “I Can't
Believe It's Not Allowed to Be Called Sugar.” |
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