| MEDIA |
 |
 Jockeying
for Helen Thomas’s
Front-and-Center Seat in
White House Press Room
Struggle between subservient toadies and
ass-kissing sycophants is fierce. |
|
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
TV Networks Propose
Nationwide Spoiler Alert
Warning sirens would sound in West
whenever season-ending episodes air three
hours earlier in East. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Oil Spill Disaster: BP
Suspends Dividends
Wait! This could be really serious! |
|
 Winning
Bid Tops $2.5 Million for Dinner
With Warren Buffett
Dessert not included. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Earth, Moon Younger Than
Thought
And Venus won't reveal its age. |
|
Attractiveness of Opposite
Sex Wholly Depends On Others’
Perceptions
And a couple of Mai Tais. |
| |
 Scientists
Explain Why Cellphones
Annoying
But their explanation's
annoying, and so are
they. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
FDA Warns Pfizer for Not
Reporting Side-Effects
Next time it happens they'll tell. |
|
Study: Grumpier People Think
More Clearly
As you tried to explain to that
smiley-faced nitwit behind the counter. |
|
Study: Pot No Detriment to
Driving
Tell it to the judge. |
|
