| SPORTS |
 |
 |
ANOTHER FIRST
FOR BASEBALL
First nudist ballplayer
celebrates his first
major league home run. |
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| |
| FITNESS |
|
Exercise from Taking Exercise
Machines to Garage Passes All Other
Sources
Unpacking, assembling machines is next. |
| |
| TRENDS |
|
Grandparents Getting Sick
Of E-Mailed Family Photos,
Hats, Mugs, T-Shirts
Already know what their
grandchildren look like, just want to be
left alone. |
| |
| PEOPLE |
BUSH MEETS WITH
FOREIGN LEADER
Talks
with “a guy named
Coznofski or
something.” |
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|
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| EXCLUSIVE
INTERVIEW: |
 Sammy
“The Bull”
Gravano
(Mr.
Gravano was
interviewed at an
undisclosed location.) |
| Ironic Times:
Thank you for granting us
this interview. |
| Gravano:
Hey, what are they gonna
do, whack me on the
Internet? |
| I/T:
First of all, we have to
ask, have you ever seen
“The Sopranos”?
|
| Gravano:
Are you kidding?
All the time.
I got one of those
machines where
you just set it and it
tapes all the episodes
automatically. |
| I/T:
And what do you think? |
| Gravano:
On TV they sugarcoat
everything. Believe
me, if we operated like
that we'd be dead
meat in no time.
But I'm not
involved in that crap
anymore. |
| I/T:
What about your recent
trouble as the alleged
head of an Ecstasy ring? |
| Gravano:
I don't know
nothin' about that.
It's a bum rap
and I'll beat it
like I'll beat you
if you don't change
the subject. |
| I/T:
Okay. I've got a little surprise
for you, Sammy. |
| Gravano:
A surprise? Hey! No! Don't!
Aaahhhrrrggg! |
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