Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 7 - 13, 2009
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MISCELLANEOUS
Japan's New First Lady Says She Flew to Venus on Triangular Spacecraft
Venus confirms her account.
Two Previously Unknown Piano Pieces by Mozart Discovered
Found in rolled-up previously unknown portrait of Shakespeare.
 
EDUCATION
Good News for Students: In Future, Robots Will Replace Teachers
Better news for students: in future, robots will replace students.
 
ENVIRONMENT
BP Discovers Huge New Pool
Of Crude in Gulf of Mexico

Keep your clunker.
 
SPORTS
College Football Season Begins: Powerhouses Pad Records, Pummel Patsies
First week's results:
FEATURE
Pfizer has just been fined $2.3 billion by the FDA for which of the following offenses:
A )Altering studies to make it appear that some of their drugs were more effective and safer than they actually were.
B )Bribing MDs to prescribe these and other Pfizer pharmaceuticals even though more effective and safer drugs were available.
C )Contributing millions of dollars to certain members of congress to protect and serve the interests of pharmaceutical industry.
Hint: No law against “C.”
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Anheuser-Busch Decorates Bud Light Cans in Colors of Local Colleges
To support academic excellence.
 
  Florida 87   Tropicana       6
  Texas 114   Juilliard School of Music       0
  USC 51   College of Cardinals       0
  Alabama 49   Hamburger University       3
  Oklahoma State 44   Original Broadway Cast of “Oklahoma”   10
 

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