Ironic Times

 NO. 303 “Expect the Ironic” JULY 3 - 9, 2006 

June 26
July 10
 
MANY FEDERAL WORKERS STAY HOME AS NATION'S CAPITAL HIT BY STORMS, FLOODING
Stalls vital work dismantling regulations, undermining laws, purging homosexuals.
 
WORLD NEWS
Nuclear Proliferation Issue Poses
Dilemma for Bush

Doesn't know who to nuke first.
Bin Laden Releases Video
Praising Zarqawi

“He did a heckuva job,” says Al Qaeda's leader.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Exploding Laptop Incident Being
Investigated by Dell

Computer maker warns users not to press Ctrl-Alt-Delete until further notice.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Bush, Koizumi Visit Graceland
Japanese Prime Minister places wreath on toilet where Elvis died.
U. S. NEWS
Mastermind Behind Sears Tower Terror Plot Identified
Was the FBI informant.
War Forcing Army Equipment
Prices to Triple

Hammers that once cost $1000, now cost $3000.
House Votes to Lift Ban on
Offshore Drilling

Cites need for more greenhouse gases in atmosphere.
 
THE WAR
  Bush Plan for Iraq Keeps Enemy
Confused, Off Balance
MONDAYS: Withdraw troops by end of 2007, starting with big drawdown this September.
TUESDAYS: Cancel withdrawal plans, whoever said that is crazy.
WEDNESDAYS: Big U.S. military operation to crush insurgency in restive provinces.
THURSDAYS: Let Iraqis crush insurgency.
FRIDAYS: Amnesty for terrorists, if that's what Maliki wants.
SATURDAYS: No amnesty for terrorists, no matter what that idiot Maliki wants.
SUNDAYS: Change subject, attack press, accuse Democrats of having no plan for Iraq.
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