Ironic Times

 NO. 302 “Expect the Ironic” JUNE 26 - JULY 2, 2006 

June 19
July 3
 
ANTI-BALLISTIC MISSILE DEFENSE SYSTEM GOES OPERATIONAL
Should an enemy launch a dummy warhead whose tracking data has already been programmed into our computers, we might be able to shoot it down, depending on the weather.
 
WORLD NEWS
Bush Escapes Rising Tide of Angry Americans By Visiting Europe
Escapes rising tide of angry Europeans by returning to America.
Bush Compares Iraq War to
Hungary Uprising in 1956

Compares coalition forces to, er, Soviet troops.
 
SURVEYS
Reader's Digest Reports New York Most Polite, Courteous City in World
New Yorkers add if you don't agree with report, you know where you can stick it.
 
SPORTS
Brazil Comes Out On Top at World Cup
Soccer team also doing well
U. S. NEWS
  Report: Country Unprepared
For Next Catastrophe

But we're ready for one after that.
Republicans Can't Agree on Immigration Bill
Some want to shoot themselves in foot, others favor cutting off nose to spite face.
Gonzales: Terror Plot Foiled in “Earliest Stages”
Just before conception.
 
REMINDER
  Sifting through your personal financial data is government at its best.
 
Pentagon Document Classifies Homosexuality as “Mental Disorder”
Mary Cheney, Vice President's crazy-as-a-loon daughter, was unavailable for comment.
Senate Rejects Investigating
Billions in Waste, Fraud in
Iraq War Contracting

Time needed to draft anti-flag-burning Amendment to Constitution.
Census: Population Will Hit
300 Million By Election Day

After Election Day it will drop back to about 295,000,000.
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