Ironic Times

 NO. 216x "Expect the Ironic" NOVEMBER 3, 2004 

Nov 1
Nov 8
  BUSH THE WINNER
  How America Voted, and Why
  Red: Bush, because God told them to.
Blue: Kerry, because God told them to.
Light Red: Bush, inspired by message of fear.
Light Blue: Kerry, inspired by message of fear of Bush.
Orange: Bush, because Kerry would have hired French homosexuals to turn their children into deviants.
Green: Kerry, out of passionate dislike for Ralph Nader.
Purple: Bush, because he's better able to deliver hurricane relief money.

 
Superman Votes for Bush
Man of Steel (shown) concerned with rogue states “getting their hands on” Iraq's kryptonite.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Bush Reinstates Draft
Announcement at victory party drowned out by chants of “Four more years! Four more years!”
WORLD NEWS
Bush's Foreign Supporters Celebrate
In Bangalore.
 
U. S. NEWS
Bush Conciliatory After Election
Offers John Kerry post of Ambassador to France.
Day-After Poll Favors Kerry
Candidate would have won “handily” had election been held today.
 
REMINDER
   You might consider moving out
   of the Alaska Wildlife Refuge.
 
Violent Crime in U.S. Down
3% Last Year

Violent crime by U.S. up 5000%.
Time Poll: Country Polarized
Half reads Time, half reads Newsweek.
 
CORRECTION
 
A U.S. map recently published showing states with the highest per capita spending on students in public schools in blue and lowest per capita spending in red was accidentally switched with an almost identical election map with Kerry states in blue and Bush states in red. We apologize for the error.
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