Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 20 - 26, 2004
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POLITICS
Bush Twins at Get-Out-the-Vote Bash
Promoting voter registration at bars, clubs.
Bill O'Reilly May Challenge Hillary Clinton for Senate Seat
If he controls the mike at their debates.
Situation Improving in Iraq, Says Bush
Speaks before group of reservists returning there for nineteenth tour of duty.
 
EDUCATION
U.S. #10 in Percentage of Young Adults With High School Degree
But #1 in percentage of young adults with phony college degrees.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Restaurant Catering to Cats Opens in New York
Restaurant featuring cats opens in Beijing.
President Bush actually spent the 18 months during which there are no records of his reporting for duty with the National Guard:
A )on a top secret commando mission behind enemy lines in Vietnam.
B )on a hush-hush assignment for the Strategic Air Command protecting Earth from the Klingons.
C )drinking.

A "frivolous" lawsuit is:
A )a giddy legal action brought by an extremely silly person.
B )a scatterbrained brief filed by a flighty lawyer wearing frilly clothes.
C )an impudent attempt to hold a big corporation accountable to those whose lives it has ruined.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: No Records Broken
In Nine-Inning Game

A record.

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