Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 20 - 26, 2004
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PEOPLE
Model Heidi Klum's Legs Valued at $2 Million
Breasts, $1.5 million; ass, $1.3 million; brain, $1.98.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Oprah Kicks Off Season By Giving New Cars to Everyone in Audience
Gesture "proves" President's tax breaks for upper 1% are working, says White House spokesman.
Average American Spends Half of Leisure Time Watching TV
Other half appearing on it.
 
BUSINESS
Krispy Kreme's Auditor
Won't Sign Off On Books

Until company stops counting doughnut holes as inventory.
New Truck Dwarfs Hummer
CXT aimed at “the millionaire with an inferiority complex who has everything.”
SCIENCE
Explorers Find Ancient City in
Remote Peru Jungle

Evidence of abrupt die-off points to popular fad diets.
Fossil Discovery Pushes Origin of Winged Insects Back 80 Million Years
400-million-year-old flyswatter found in Tanzania.
 
REMINDER
   Law school's open, please drive
   carefully.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Drinking Beer in Moderation Can Be Beneficial
Not a huge buzz, but beneficial.
Seniors Who Gamble Healthier
Than Those Who Don't

Surprising conclusions reported in study by Caesar's Palace Institute of Science.
 
CORRECTION
Last week, the headline “Bush Cites Terror Threat to Consolidate Power, Curb Democracy,” should have read: “Putin Cites Terror Threat to Consolidate Power, Curb Democracy.” We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

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