Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 17 - 23
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PEOPLE
Rush Limbaugh Disputes Severity Of Iraqi Prison Abuse
Says his Nazi initiation rites were “much worse.”
Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston Plan Family
Will then separate, get back together, split up again, reunite before final divorce.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van
Dyke in New Episode of "The
Dick Van Dyke Show"

Wins timeslot opposite "Dragnet 2004," "Gunsmoke Reunion Special," and "Our Miss Brooks Bloopers II."
 
BUSINESS
CitiGroup Pays $2.6 Billion in Out-of-Court Settlement of Fraud Suit
Bank did nothing wrong, just wants to avoid boredom of long court case.
Whales Being Promoted as Food
“Tastes just like dolphin,” says one distributor.
SCIENCE
Early Evolution Discovery:
Females Selected Handsome
Males Over Fighters

Explains why all men look like Hugh Grant.
New Computer Technique Can
Read Blacked-Out Passages in
Confidential Documents

Cryptographers say they can tell if a redacted word is “Cheney” or “Rumsfeld” just by counting the number of pixels in each name.
 
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Maj. Gen. Antonio Taguba
Last week he was telling a Senate panel about abuses by American soldiers in Iraqi prisons, today Maj. Gen. Anotonio Taguba (“Call me Tony”) is behind a desk at his new post, Deputy Assistant Secretary for Reserve Affairs, located inconspicuously in a small, windowless office deep in the bowels of the Pentagon. “I think it’s a reward for writing my report,” he tells a visitor, after apologizing for the lack of a telephone. “They promised me one this afternoon,” he chuckles good-naturedly. Future plans? “To get my own parking space.” We wished him luck.

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