Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 12 -18, 2003
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PEOPLE
Buttafuocos Divorcing After 26 Years of Marriage
“Every fairy tale has to end,” says Joey, through his lawyer.
 
MEDIA
Study: All Media Competition
Has Disappeared

Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Station Manager Suspends Colorado DJs For Playing Dixie Chicks
Acts to protect precious freedom to suppress precious freedoms.
 
EDUCATION
Latest Study: Minority Students’ Education Not Improved by Vouchers
But the hot lunches are better.
 
BUSINESS
Unsealed 50-Year-Old McCarthy Transcripts Contain Bombshell
Everyone alive in 1953 was a communist!
SCIENCE
British Experiment: Monkeys Fail to Produce Works of Shakespeare
Six chimps type for one month, barely manage “bad imitation of Marlowe,” says expert in Elizabethan literature.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Type A Personalities: Hostile,
Irritable, Impatient, Have
Lower Quality of Life

According to some slow-talking jerk who chaired study.
Survey: Adulthood Begins at 26
Signals the end of arrested adolescence.
 
ENVIRONMENT
California Winter Lettuce Crop
Contains Unhealthy Levels
Of Rocket Fuel

State urges growers to produce lettuce with healthy levels of rocket fuel.
 
CORRECTION
Last week we stated incorrectly that “White House string-puller Carl Rove’s behind-the-scenes machinations make Machiavelli seem meek by comparison.” Mr. Rove’s first name should have been spelled Karl. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

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