Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 12 -18, 2003
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MISCELLANEOUS
Microsoft Introduces Portable Toilet With Internet Access
Bill Gates hails it as “first paperless bathroom.”
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Detroit Tigers, Off to
Worst Start in History, Quit

Team tells league it's going to “take some time off, think things over.”
Baseball: Moats Proposed to
Protect Players From Fans

Relief pitchers would enter game via drawbridge.
Nude Tennis Tourney
Broadcast on Internet

Once again, unfortunately, Anna Kournikova is eliminated early.
Cult of Don King Gains Following
Long made-up words, fork-in-a-toaster hairstyle distinguishes devotees.
 
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S PUZZLER
 
“Democrat” is the correct name of the political party currently out of power.

It's that time of year when the networks roll out their primetime schedules for next season. Here are a few of the new shows to keep an eye on:
“Mrs. Ed” (NBC, Sun., 9PM) - The classic sitcom has been updated and turned into a one-hour courtroom drama, with Ed's better half a tough-talking equine district attorney who can only be understood by the judge, played by former Senator Fred Thompson. Test audiences loved it.
“True Confessions” (Fox, Tues.,
8PM) - Real confessions, ostensibly made to priests in total privacy, acted out by hand puppets and played for laughs. Tough time slot.
“Witch Hunt” (UPN, Fri. 10PM) - Viewers are encouraged to sniff out witches, warlocks, and other oddballs in their neighborhood and report them to the authorities, and then tell their story on national TV, where bubbly host Jack Ashcroft (you-know-who's younger brother) keeps things moving along at a brisk pace. Could be a break-out hit.
(Mr. TV is paid by the television industry, whose opinions are their own.)

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