Ironic Times

 NO. 97 "Expect the Ironic" JULY 22 - 28, 2002 

July 15
July 29
 
  PRIMITIVE TRIBE OF WHITE
MEN DISCOVERED

They possess only the most rudimentary understanding of creative accounting practices
 
WORLD NEWS
Americans "Just Don't Get It,"
Say Europeans

"Get what?" say Americans.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
President's Dogs Distance Themselves From Him
Spot, Barney may return to Texas as corporate accounting scandal spreads.
U. S. NEWS
Stock Market in Free Fall,
Investors Panic

Communist Party expected to win majority in House, Senate.
Cheney's Bunker Found
But no sign of Cheney.
Latest Poll: Reno Pulls Ahead
Of Bush in Florida

Voters responding to her "party animal" image.
 
REMINDER
You need a vendor's license to sell apples in a public place.
 
Report: Al Qaeda Planning to
Disrupt U.S. Water Supply
May attempt to switch "hot" and "cold," flush all our toilets at once.
Pay Ratio of CEOs to Workers
Now Exceeds Ratio of Owners
To Slaves in 1858

New figures include value of stock options.
KIDZ KORNER: MIX 'N MATCH
Help George match the following problem areas (left column) with the
descriptions everyone can understand (right column).
      1 )  economy   A )  cross-eyed
      2 )  stock market   B )  hung over
      3 )  political system   C )  strung out
      4 )  health care network   D )  blotto
      5 )  judicial system   E )  totaled
      6 )  law enforcement   F )  cheaper to get a new one
      7 )  SEC   G )  fallen, can't get up
      8 )  foreign policy   H )  lights on, nobody home
      9 )  national security   I  )  not playing with a full deck
    10 )  EPA   J )  just pull the plug
( answers next week )       
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