Ironic Times

NO. 35 "Expect the Ironic" MAY 14 - 20, 2001

May 7
May 21
 
ARAFAT WANTS TO LISTEN
Open to whatever Israeli proposals he can hear.
WORLD NEWS
Fears That Other Nations Will Now Build Missile Shields
Pentagon not worried; shields “easy to fool.”
President Bush's Recent Statement That He'd “Like to Kick China's Butt” Was a Personal Comment
He was not speaking as president.
 
BUSINESS
American Productivity Fell For 1st Time in Six Years
“Itís as if a bright workaholic were suddenly replaced by a lazy C-student,” says one puzzled economist.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Bush Bonks Head on White House Column
First president to do so since Ford; fifth ever.
U. S. NEWS
Bush Publicly "Concerned" About Rising Gas Prices
Privately, however, heís “positively giddy.”
Republicans Say They
“Love the Earth”

Wouldnít own so much of it if they didnít.
Cheney Urges “Fresh Look”
At Slave Labor

“It's cheap and non-polluting,” he argues.
Arkansas Supreme Court
Rules Fetus Is a Person

Must be included in Nielsen ratings.
Cliffs Notes to Mideast Conflict Found in Oval Office, Answers Circled
“Probably Condoleezza's,” says President.
 
POLITICS
Senate Democrats Reach Out to GOP
With Social Events, Sports

Strom Thurmond invited to compete in
decathlon, judge lap dancing contest.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Ralph Nader Agrees to Be Cloned
Corporations concerned about ďarmy of  Naders."
 
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“Come on, hit the gas!”
-- Vice President Dick Cheney
 
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