| PEOPLE |
 |
 Bannon:
Musk a “Parasitic Illegal Immigrant”
White House sends out urgent memo
listing them as “Don't Invitems.” |
|
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Fyre Festival 2 Tickets Scaled
From $1,400 to $1.1 Million
Undaunted, ticket buyers plan to attend,
file lucrative lawsuits after inevitable fiasco. |
| |
| MEDIA |
|
Bezos: No Dissenting Opinions on
Washington Post Editorial Page
Changes masthead from “Democracy dies
in darkness” to “Free shipping
with Prime.” |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Kentucky Fried Chicken
Moves Its Headquarters
From Kentucky to Texas
After a struggle, Col. Sanders's
remains moved there as well. |
|
Citigroup Accidentally Credits
Customer's Account With
$81 Trillion
Before they spot mistake customer
goes on spending spree, buys ocean
liners, airplanes, and a Polynesian
archipelago. |
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Astronomers: Asteroid No
Longer a Threat to Hit Earth
They alter forecast after call from President Trump. |
|
 All Seven
Planets on View in Rare Alignment
Not shown: Earth. |
|
| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Waves Getting Bigger,
Threatening Coastlines
“Gnarly!” say experts. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
 |
| |
| Last week, in a story about the
bizarre video President Trump
posted depicting Gaza as a garish
Trump-branded resort, along with
a giant gold Trump statue, we
inferred that the video was
AI-generated. It was not. In fact,
Elon Musk implanted a Neuralink
chip in Trump's brain and it
transmitted the entire video while
he was dreaming. We apologize for
any confusion. |
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