| ADVERTISING |
 |
 Anheuser-Busch to
Stop Docking Tails of Clydesdales
After 100 years of persistent
protesting and pleading from
the horses. |
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| TECHNOLOGY |
|
Report: Google, Facebook
Decided Against Using
Face-Recognition Technology
Under threat of class-action suits
from Elvis impersonators, Hemingway
look-alikes, and bald men with goatees. |
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| LAW |
|
Republicans' Own Witness Sees
No Evidence for Impeachment
Conservative legal scholar Jonathan
Turley then told his parking will
not be validated. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 Entrepreneurs
Selling 4-Foot Sleeping Pods as
Answer to Housing Shortage
Three entrepreneurs currently sharing one pod
due to slow sales. |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| With schoolbook challenges
growing exponentially nationwide,
how many people are responsible
for 60% of them? |
| A ) | 25,358 |
| B ) | 13,744 |
| C ) | 8,903 |
| D ) | 11 |
| Hint: we asked the Green Bay
Packers, but it's not them. |
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| GOVERNMENT |
|
Senate Passes Formal Dress Code
After 2 Weeks Without One
“I threw away all my ties and
cufflinks,” laments one Senator. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Ford's Theater
Tickets From Night of Lincoln Assassination
Sell for $262,500
“I've never seen Our American
Cousin,” says excited winning bidder. |
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