Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 17 - 23, 2023
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TECHNOLOGY
Computer Scan of Heavily Overwritten Chronicles of Elizabeth I Reveal Very Different History
“She drank like a fish and cursed like a sailor,” leaks one researcher.
 
CRIME
Secret Service Unable to
Identify Person Who Left
Cocaine in White House

Fox News offers $50,000 reward to anyone who can prove it was Hunter Biden.
 
ELECTION 2024
GOP Candidate Offers
$20 Gift Card for $1
Campaign Donation

His platform: balance the budget.
DeSantis Abruptly Fires Entire
Staff As Campaign Stalls

Blames them for public perception he's ruthless, unlikable.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Putin's Meeting With Prigozhin
Just 3 Days After Mutiny Still
Baffles Kremlinologists

Now we're learning Zelensky was also there.
FEATURE
In a recent report, Goldman Sachs estimates AI automation threatens how many full-time desk jobs worldwide?
    A ) 1 million
    B ) 3 million
    C ) 5 million
    D ) 300 million
Hint: they've stopped making desks.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
WHO says Aspartame, Found in
Diet Coke, Could Cause Cancer

Aspartame replies: “Who says it can cause cancer?”
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
  Giant New Cruise Ship Biggest
Yet, Five Times Larger, Heavier
Than Titanic

In addition to dozens of restaurants, swimming pools, miniature golf, rock climbing, theaters, arcades, there's also a full-size replica of the Titanic.

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