| TRAVEL |
 |
 Mar-a-Lago Reopens
Guests wearing masks will be asked to
remove them or be permanently banned
from the premises. |
|
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Report: Lockdown-Flouting
Speakeasies Popping Up
Throughout Manhattan
If you go, the password is “swordfish.” |
|
Study: Psychopaths Who
Enjoy Successful Lives Have
Supreme Self-Control
Based on thousands of interviews with
successful psychopaths. |
|
Alaska Legislator Compares Pandemic
Safety Measures to Nazi Treatment of Jews
Jews were told to stay home, stay safe,
and wash their hands frequently. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
MLB Reopening Plan: No Showers,
No Spitting, No Fist Bumps
Allowed: scratching crotch, biting nails,
picking nose. |
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| What national policy does
the U.S. share with Tonga, Tuvalu, Nauru
and Somalia? |
| A ) | Legalized marijuana. |
| B ) | A guaranteed minimum income. |
| C ) | Universal healthcare. |
| D ) | No paid sick leave. |
| Hint: hey, you're either out of a job
or working from home now, so it doesn't matter. |
|
|
|
| |
| TRENDS |
|
Thousands of Americans Have Become
Socialists Since March
Right after Neiman-Marcus declared
bankruptcy. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 New York's Times Square
Slowly Returns to Life
Shown: pizza rats, cockroaches allowed back in. |
|
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