Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 11 - 17, 2020
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TECHNOLOGY
  Singapore: Robotic Dog Patrols
Park to Enforce Social Distancing

Get too close and it bites you on the ankle.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Trump Orders Border Wall
Painted Black, Adding as
Much as $3 Billion to Cost

And Mexico will — oh, never mind.
Survey: 1 In 10 Americans
Believe U.S. Government
Created Coronavirus

“I bet it was those two FBI lovebirds,” adds the one.
 
LAW
Toilet Flushes in Background as Supreme Court Hears Arguments Live on Teleconference
It was first anyone's heard from Justice Thomas in some time.
 
HISTORY
Paper: Spanish Flu Pandemic
Linked to Rise of Nazi Party

Trump campaign: “Finally some positive news.”
FEATURE
It was announced this week that the President's valet, whose duties include bringing the President his Diet Coke, tested positive for Covid-19. How many Diet Cokes does the President reportedly drink each day?
  A )    1
  B )    2
  C )    3
  D )   12
Hint: it's less than a baker's dozen.
 
POLITICS
Trump Rips George Bush's
Call for Unity

“Unity will kill me!” he tweets.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Belarus Ignores Pandemic, Holds WWII Victory Parade
No social distancing, but strict adherence to hemline rules.

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