| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 Just In Time:
A Hands-Free Oreo Dispenser!
Too busy filling out forms for
unemployment, sewing masks at home
or intubating seniors in the ICU
to get yourself a cookie? Not to
worry! This new voice-activated
solar-powered Oreo dispenser holds
up to a dozen Oreos and its new
hands-free design makes it
practically germ-free too, probably.
Only $99 at all $99 Only Stores. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Men Worse Than Women at Estimating
Their Height and Weight
Not to mention interest, availability. |
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| SPORTS |
|
 Huge Baseball
Fan Dr. Fauci Hopes to See
"Baseball in Some Form" Return
This Year
Suggests putting players who test
negative in one league, players who
test positive in another, and
“kill the umps.” |
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| According to a new survey,
what percentage of Americans will avoid public
spaces long after the pandemic ends? |
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A ) |
5% |
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B ) |
10% |
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C ) |
15% |
| |
D ) |
40 % |
| Hint: Almost half the
nation's maitre d's and Santa Clauses plan to trim their
beards, sober up and drive for Uber. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
|
New Research Predicts 8%
Drop in Global Emissions of
Greenhouse Gases This Year
Trump: “I've done more for the environment
than any other president in history.” |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Grim Reaper
Appears on Florida Beach
“I'm taking every possible
precaution,” he explains. |
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