Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 5 - 11, 2019
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PEOPLE
Trump: “I Am the Least Racist Person in the World”
“Just ask A$AP Rocky.”
Boris Johnson Assumes Power, Reveals His Goal for England
To become a thriving U.S. colony.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Woodstock 50 Cancelled Due to
Lack of Funds, Talent, Interest

Organizers say any tickets purchased for event will be honored at Woodstock 51.
 
BUSINESS
Study: 28% of Delivery Drivers
Have Eaten Some of the Food
Meant for You

Explains why there's always two slices of pizza missing.
Holiday Inn to Drop Mini
Toiletries From 5,000 Hotels

Claims they imply customers are dirty, encourage otherwise honest people to steal.
SCIENCE
Japan: Government to Develop Human-Animal Hybrids
Some warn it's unethical, others can't wait to eat them.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Marijuana as Effective as Prescription Painkillers
Ask your budtender if an indica dominant hybrid is right for you.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Alaska Experiencing Unprecedented Heat Wave
Cruise passengers expecting glaciers surprised to see miles and miles of nude beaches.
 
CORRECTION
  Last week we reported that in a book published in 2016 political operative Roger Stone quoted Donald Trump as saying: “The one time I visited [Epstein's] Palm Beach home, the swimming pool was full of beautiful young girls. 'How nice,' I thought, 'he let the neighborhood kids use his pool.'” The book was actually published in 2017.

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