| PEOPLE |
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 Trump Says
He'll Give Tiger Woods Presidential
Medal of Freedom
Plus Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card, two complimentary
half-hour massages at Orchids of Asia Day Spa in
Jupiter, Florida. |
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North Korea Calls for “Immature“
Mike Pompeo to be Dropped From Nuclear Talks
Would much prefer to meet with Melania. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Report: Amazon Flooded
By Fake Five-Star Reviews
But very few fake three-star reviews. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
 Hollywood
Suffering Worst Box Office Slump in 6 Years
Movie theaters blame competition from
orgasmatrons (shown). |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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 Soylent, Liquid
Food Replacement, Now Comes in Chewable Form
Either way, you're probably eating people. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Global Attention Span Shorter
Due to Amount of Information
So many studies, so little time. |
| |
 DNA Reveals
Stonehenge Builders Came From What is Now Turkey
Came for the lousy weather, stayed for the lousy food. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Report: Marijuana Users Less
Likely to Be Overweight
They often become paralyzed in ice cream section,
go home with nothing. |
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