Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUG 27 - SEP 2, 2018
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PEOPLE
Enquirer Owner Granted Immunity, Talking to Prosecutors
They can ask him about anything, from Bigfoot to Martians to Elvis.
Russian Spy's Lawyers Challenge Evidence She Used Sex to Infiltrate NRA
Asked members, “Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”
 
BUSINESS
J. C. Penney Hires Shaquille
O'Neill to Promote “Big & Tall”
Clothing Line

Hires Danny DeVito to promote “Short and Fat” line.
Procter & Gamble Applies for
Trademarks on LOL, WTF,
Other Acronyms

Hoping to make trillions in lawsuits.
Qatari Royal Family Selling One of Its Luxury Planes for $640,000,000
With lavish bedroom suites, huge conference rooms and other amenities it's drawn interest from several Cabinet members.
CONSUMER NEWS
Nabisco Takes Animals Out of Cage on Box of Animal Crackers
Adds trophy hunters.
 
SCIENCE
Report: Oceans Will Have More Plastic Than Fish by 2050
Unless we eat less fish.
 
Asteroid Contains $10 Quintillion Worth of Precious Metals
Enough to make everyone on Earth wealthy beyond their wildest dreams.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
New Study: Any Amount of
Alcohol Consumption
Dangerous to Your Health

Study funded by Ladies Temperance League, Party Poopers Anonymous.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Study: Entering Period of
“Extreme Extremes” With
Hotter Heatwaves, Wetter Floods

And longer lines to get into air conditioned theaters.

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